By Sophie Balisky, volunteer blog writer

Relapse

It’s true

That tomorrow

Is a new day-

But I did it anyway

And tonight was just

Another discouraging end

To a cycle quotidien…

I once took comfort

In “begin again,”

Back when I wasn’t this sick

Of starting over.

-shb

If you relate to this poem, please keep reading.

The process of recovery from my eating disorder found me face-down in the depths of what I thought was defeat. My efforts towards health often felt like taking one step forward and two steps back: pointless, futile and frustrating. Relapse would send me into a downward spiral. The thought that “recovery is possible for others but not for me” became something that I firmly believed.

If you currently hold this belief, you must know that it’s a lie. Recovery is possible for you. But it’s not a straight line. It wasn’t until I embraced this notion that I was fully able to surrender to my recovery journey, a journey unique to me, just as your journey of recovery is unique to you.

Think of ED recovery like climbing a mountain. There is a path ahead of you- one that you must choose to set foot on. Friends, family members and therapists can walk this path alongside you but they can’t carry you. It is up to you to decide to reach the summit. On this path you will encounter excitement, exhilaration and beautiful views… but you may also encounter obstacles that will push you back down to what feels like rock bottom. In spite of this, you must trust that these challenges do not exist to defeat you. Instead, they exist to make you self-aware and strong. In the face of these setbacks, choose forgiveness and self-compassion over hopelessness and self-hatred and you WILL eventually reach the top of the mountain.

Relapse can be a disguised opportunity for growth. Get curious: what new information can your “slip ups” reveal about yourself? What might have led to or triggered the relapse? What aspects of yourself need to be comforted and cared for? The answer to these questions is important knowledge that you didn’t have yesterday! The discovery of this new information is a success!

A shift in perspective can turn setbacks into stepping stones. The pain of a relapse can offer you valuable information which, in turn, can be used to propel you in the direction of full recovery. You can and you will reach the top of the mountain!

Regardless of where you are on your path right now, know that you are exactly where you should be.

Know that you are never alone. Know that I believe in you. Know that there is no such thing as going backwards.

Sophie